Like a lot of Christians, I got to a point in my life when I could no longer manage it by myself. Trying to do so only led to a path of destruction in which I tried my best to destroy all the lives around me. Including my own. I was dead.
All of my life I grew up in an agnostic household. We never went to church, talked about religion or even cared if there was a God or not. We just did whatever we felt was right and made us feel good. I did whatever I wanted to. The amazing thing is (looking back on it, it was God at work in my life even then) my sister has always been a Christian living among us agnostics. As far back as I can remember she has been a follower. A light among our family and I never cared. Me, my brother, and my friends just poked fun at her for being a “Holy Roller”.
Alas, even after my sisters Godly example for me, I still proceeded to take my first drink at the age of thirteen and never really stopped until April 17, 2018. I drank at parties hosted by my schoolmates and their friends, after the movies on Friday nights, and after our high school football games. During my Junior year of high school is when I first discovered marijuana. At the time, I loved how it made me feel. So now, using drugs and alcohol, I did whatever I wanted. Mostly terrible things.
So a few years after high school, I enlisted in the United States Air Force in 1989. I stopped smoking marijuana (only because they random drug test in the military), but I continued to drink alcohol in large quantities. I separated from the Air Force in 1997 and it was only by the grace of God I was able to separate with an honorable discharge.
Life after the military was fine for a few years, but soon I felt a loss of purpose. I didn’t really know my place and I lost that “high” of working in a dangerous profession in the Air Force. I became frustrated and severely depressed. My drinking became worse, and I started using marijuana again. The one bright spot in the midst of all this darkness was when I married Jeanette in 1993. A fresh start right? Well, you would be wrong. Of course the womanizing stopped, albeit I did engage in emotional cheating, but the alcohol and marijuana use did not. I tried my best to destroy her life as well.
So here I was, completely out of control. And on April 17th, 2018, I had a full day of binge drinking. Then, near the end of the evening, I thought it was a good idea to pick up my prescription of trazadone. I just felt I could not take life anymore. The enemy was hard at work in me. I grabbed a bottle of vodka from my trunk and went to a park near a lake by our house. I finished half a liter of the vodka, and then took my bottle, the whole bottle, of trazodone.
I was dead. Rock bottom. My time on the planet earth was about to end. I got out of my car, fell to the ground, and threw up. Most of the pills and probably most of the vodka were now on the ground at the park. As I was laying there, I heard a voice that sounded as if someone was right next to me as if we were having a normal conversation. It actually sounded a lot like my own voice, and I was talking to myself. Telling me, in a soft manner, to “Get up, get up, get up. The Father still has more for you to do.” And the amazing thing was, I felt completely coherent and sober.
When I got home, I saw the devastation on Jeanettes face. She was completely shattered. She spent all night looking for me. I knew this was it. I had to change or I would die, and alone. The very next morning I checked myself into an inpatient clinic for substance abuse. I had a great counselor there and he was a recovering alcoholic who told me about Alcoholics Anonymous. I was terrified at my first few meetings, but soon, I felt at home. I got a sponsor who happened to be a follower of Christ. His very first question to me was: “What’s your relationship like with Christ?”. I replied: “I don’t have one.” His reply? “Why not?” He let me know that the grace of God was all I needed to remove the need to drink from me.
Very soon after that, during the first week of May 2018, Jeanette and I started going to our neighborhood church. Only a few Sundays after that, I made my profession of faith to Jesus Christ. God Immediately went to work in me. During that first couple of weeks I heard a few verses from scripture that were so on point and gave an answer to every terrible character trait I had which had been ruining my life. Psalm 24:1 – God owns it all, so we shouldn’t be self-centered. As an alcoholic, being self-centered is the most common trait. John 3:30 – I need to get out of myself. This verse helps one understand that God is always the most important, and John 14:6 – The only way to the Father is through Jesus. Hearing these verses definitely helped steer me in the right direction at the very beginning of my walk with God.
A few months after my profession of faith, I was baptized on July 29th, 2018. In a very incredible turn of events directed by God, my baptism took place in that very same Lake where I tried to take my own life a few months earlier! I was given new life. I have been sober ever since April 18th, 2018. By the grace of God I have not had any urge to drink again.
In the spring of 2019, I had a very vivid dream. It was a very specific dream in which the Holy Spirit impressed upon me to go back to school at Liberty University. I even saw my diploma in the blue holder with the Liberty crest on it. Christian Apologetics was to be the area of ministry for me.
So all of this to say, here is the point: it is NEVER too late to be saved. God can use us all. The enemy wants us to think there is no hope for us and that we are worthy of nothing, especially God’s love. He wants to destroy us, especially when we start getting closer to God. I became a follower at fifty years old and I am so grateful I have a relationship with Him. He is such a loving father and provider. If you haven’t already, you need to take that step today!
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